Good morning readers, it’s been a while. I’m behind in my writing, I’m behind in my emails, I’m behind in my housework, and I’m not keeping up with my children’s homework and assignments.
I am currently working as an on-call supply teacher in the French Catholic School Board. On-call work is a new experience for me, especially as a newbie on-call worker: I keep myself available for full days of work because I need the money but my newness means that I mostly receive calls for half days. If I book an appointment on a day when I don’t have a shift, the few and far between full-day call will surely come on that day. If I turn down an appointment in case I get called, I will not get called at all. This is leading to some weird utilitarian math, such as when I forgot I had therapy and booked a work shift. Having to choose which one to cancel on the morning-of, I called off the work shift because a work day pays $144 but a late therapy cancellation costs $186.45 so it was cheaper to cancel work than therapy. Which was ok because I need work more than therapy (arguably) but I like therapy more than work. I came in to therapy complaining about how gross my hair was and we talked about dry shampoo and I was seriously tempted to fire my therapist on the spot so we could go for coffee in two years or whenever the ethical length of time to be friends with your therapist has elapsed — which Google informs me is “probably never”. Darn.
There are 198 days of school in the school year, which means that if I work a full day on every available school day, I stand to gross $28,500 in 2023-2024, which is 2.6 times less than what I made before I lost my job in May. It’s also less than half the average Canadian yearly income. Ironically, my “family” – by which I define me and the 6 children who still live at home – is over twice as large as the average family in Canada. I used to net $3600/month in my last job. In September I made $900. Ironically, the money I made getting fired by the city in 2022 (my severance payment) inflated my 2022 income to an amount that reduced my Canadian Child Benefits by ⅔ and disqualified me from claiming dental benefits, childcare subsidies, Trillium drug benefits, legal aid, and pretty much anything that could help us in our time of need in 2023.
Because I am too rich on paper to get a leg up from the taxpayer, I need to turn down work in order to accommodate my youngest child’s school schedule. I routinely turn down $22/h in order to avoid paying $23/h for after school childcare. With the proper short term support – dental care, medication coverage, childcare subsidies, Child Benefit – I could get back to looking for work in my field, which would pay upwards of $40/h with pension and benefits. But instead, I need to work part time and provide my own childcare, run out my savings paying for dental care and medications, and presumably use up my RRSP until we are deemed poor enough to deserve a hand. It’s like sinking to the bottom of the barrel while they tell you “don’t worry, once you touch the bottom, you can push your way back up!” Yes, but what if I run out of oxygen? What if I’m too exhausted to push up once I reach the bottom? “Well, you’ll just have to keep trying!” From the bottom? “Yes!! From the bottom and under water!!”
My on-call work is further limited by my ability to get anywhere. Since I don’t have reliable access to a car, I can’t accept work too far from home. Needing to buy and maintain a car in order to work is a sad twist on the old quip “How do you make a billion dollars? First, make a million dollars…” I can’t buy a car because I can’t find full time work and I can’t find full time work because I can’t buy a car. But that’s ok because I don’t even want one.
Doing casual on-call work while looking for a full time job is a bit of a conundrum. Last year, when I was in the same predicament, I applied for jobs with the government. I took language evaluations, wrote essays, took part in multi-day exams, and gave rounds of interviews. The average hiring process has a first pass on resumes, then a screening interview, then an interview with the hiring manager. Resume and cover-letter writing needs to be tailored to each application and some application portals upload your resume to a web form that you then have to painstakingly reformat one stupid box at a time. Job searching is time consuming and requires enough alertness to think in complete sentences. Supply teaching is not compatible with giving phone interviews, working on your resume, and writing compelling cover letters.
Last year, I was applying for 3-5 jobs a week from September until December. Of the 50 applications I sent, I wrote exams for 5 and interviewed for 4, yielding to one job offer. The job search landscape is very different this year. There are fewer jobs in my field. I have sent only 15 applications since July and I have not heard back from any of them. The smaller number of applications is a reflection of the smaller number of opportunities but also of a noticeable change in job descriptions, seeking more specific skill-sets, experience, and qualifications.
By the way, what’s with everyone recommending that people apply for jobs they are not fully qualified for? Everyone has worked for someone who wasn’t up to the job and no one recommends that.
I am convinced that those who recommend applying for jobs you are not fully qualified for have never been interviewed or employed in such a job. I have done both. At best, it’s a waste of everyone’s time. At worst, it’s a soul sucking experience. The modern HR department is not interested in your « transferable skills » and « equivalent life experience ». When they ask for your experience fundraising, or writing a certain kind of product, or working with a certain type of software, they mean « with a paycheque on the line. » They are not interested in your parent council and blogging experience, or your household management skills.
We love to admire mothers of large families but believe me, no one wants them on their payroll. You’re reading my newsletter and probably thinking « but I would love to have you on my staff! ». Believe me, if you had to pay me and deal with appointments and emergencies at my scale, you would be less excited. And that’s how I came to be qualified to keep 9 children alive for the last 27 years while getting a law degree and a masters in law, and I can write my way out of anything in both official languages, but I was turned down to work in law firms, kitchens, government offices, media organizations, knitting stores, charitable organizations, coffee shops, large contractors, small contractors, municipalities, politicians, everywhere but high school where I get paid $22/h for telling kids to work in Google Classroom and give them permission to go to the bathroom.
That’s a long preamble to say: this time has been busy and not busy enough in the exact same way. Whether I work or not, I get stressed. Stressed by work, stressed by being paid so little, or stressed by not working. I am physically and mentally drained by the demands of supply teaching, yet too poorly paid to hire help with housework or childcare. I need every dollar I can earn but working in a classroom prevents me from looking for better work. Every month that goes by takes me further away from recent relevant experience, contacts and connections, and people who have seen my work and can speak to it.
All this to say: I have decided to suspend the payments to this newsletter on Substack. I need the money but I don’t need the mental load of taking your subscription dollars without a reliable output. I’m scrambling to keep up with single parenting, full time work, and the job search. I feel bad when I don’t write, and I feel bad when I write instead of looking for work. I will continue writing but on my own time, without the guilt of getting money I didn’t earn. When I can manage a publishing schedule, I will resume payments after giving everyone a fair warning.
Are we good? Good!
I’m sorry for how tough this has been 😔